Getting over family trauma – Forgiving and giving unconditional love through non-judgment of myself and others

Ever since I had returned home I had been suffering emotionally from my relationships with my family, especially with my mother. I suffered because I thought that I was not being loved for who I am, for not being loved unconditionally as I should, for being mistreated and used by her.

This suffering caused me to lower my vibrations and derail from taking care of myself in the best way, to neglect my physical and mental health, my room became a mess, I stopped communicating with my friends, I dealt with my emotional pain through eating unhealthy food, and I even went back to my negative and dark thought patterns that I don’t really have a reason to live because no one truly loves me and that perhaps I don’t belong here since my own mother doesn’t love and accept me for who I am.

But as I was taking my post-dinner walk at night along the Han River yesterday, and admiring the beautiful blood moon of the Lunar Eclipse in Taurus, which was slowly regaining her bright white moonlight back, I realized something quite profound. I realized that due to my suffering the whole day I had been making bad choices knowingly and that I still had a lot of healing to do. I accepted that and didn’t feel bad about it at all by still choosing to love myself as I am today and show myself compassion. And then I realized that perhaps I need to show my mother the same compassion and love that I show myself, to understand her and forgive her for the way that she is, because we are all at different healing journeys and I am not in any position to judge since I am also constantly healing my wounds and that is ok and normal.

The true reason I was suffering was not because of my mother or how she viewed me or treated me. It was how I viewed my mother and how I treated her. I wanted her to be more like “me”, to accept people for who they are and show love and understanding and kindness and sympathy. But she is not me. We grew up in totally different environments, we have different personalities and life journeys. And I do not and cannot control her. She is her own person and she has her own way of showing love, of experiencing it, she has different values in life from my own, which I cannot call inferior or less than mine. I decided to accept her for who she is, truly appreciate the way that she can show love to me, to forgive her and myself for causing each other so much pain and anguish, because I just didn’t want to go on suffering anymore. A dark heavy cloud lifted out of my head, the emotional pain was gone, and I felt the love and light of divine angels once again.

Basically I decided to give her the unconditional love and acceptance that I wanted from her, and I felt so much better for that. But that does not mean that I will go on to suffer her insults and belittling comments any longer. It also does not mean that I will try and lead a life that she wants for me just to please her. I will stand firm in my direction, accept that I cannot give her what she wants and try to avoid engaging with her as much as possible so that I can protect myself and my peace of mind. Simply I will establish a stronger boundary with her, to invest more of my time and energy into myself rather than spending more time with her or talking with her hoping that she will change, because now I know it will just hurt me and her in the end. It’s one thing to unconditionally love and accept someone, and another thing to spend time and energy with that person, as I believe you can love someone from afar with necessary space in-between, and that is exactly what the two of us need right now. We are simply not an energetic match to each other at the moment, and I understand that it’s only natural because I am a fully grown adult and according to my mother’s perspective, I should not have had to move back into my parents’ house at this age. I should be more independent financially, to support the family with my material successes and while I cannot agree with her view of my role and how I should live my life, I totally understand her frustrations with me.

With that being said, I will continue to march towards the future with positivity and inspired action so that I can at last gain my financial independence and freedom, and we can both have the space and energy that we need to live our best lives. I do believe that through this ordeal I have healed significantly from my trauma of not being loved by my mother or my family, or anyone else, of being misunderstood or judged because I’m different, as I can choose to unconditionally love and accept myself and others for who they are, where they are in life both materially and spiritually, and how they choose to live their lives, and recognize that it’s no better or worse than mine. The more I judge others, the more I am actually judging myself and my life which causes me a lot of unnecessary grief. We all have different soul missions and obstacles that we need to deal with in this life and living in itself in any shape or form is all a beautiful and inherently valuable experience. As for my family, I finally acknowledge that it’s a perfectly wonderful life that they are creating and I’m so blessed to have been born into it, and grateful to have them in my life. At the same time I also understand that it’s quite ok and rather normal to want something completely different than theirs, to go and explore and create my own happiness and my own life that is separate from theirs.

Happy healing guys 🙂 I hope that this post helped you in some way.

#healing #forgiveness #unconditionallove #familytrauma #selfhelp #selflove #selfacceptance #wisdom #positivity #nonjudgment #emotionalhealing #emotionaltrauma #spiritualgrowth #mentalhealth #acceptance

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